Gunning Down Romance
by Beleghothwen
Summary: Songfic, Dorothy's POV. for Quatre/Dorothy shippers, but it's not technically romance. Dorothy's thoughts on emotions.


Title: Gunning Down Romance  
Author: Maki Tatsu  
Rating: PG (one bad word)  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Song is by Savage Garden.  
Summary: Songfic; Dorothy's POV  
~*~  
I will not be weak. It is not in my blood to be so. It has been culled out of me. Then why do I feel so helpless when I think of you? I am not able to love, that is out of the question. I haven't felt love since my father died all those years ago. My grandfather made sure of that.  
  
*Love and other moments are just  
Chemical reactions in your brain,  
In your brain.*  
  
Love does not exist for me. You do not have the right to barge into my life, and demand that I show emotion. You do not know me; I am evil! Why do you insist that I have a kind heart, when I do not have a heart to begin with! You make no sense, and you confuse me. Quatre, why can't you just leave me be? Or do you want a match for that sword wound in your side?  
  
*And feelings of aggression are the   
Absence of the love drug in you veins,  
In your veins.*  
  
You can't just waltz into my life, accusing me of being kinder than you, and then leave just as suddenly. I will not allow it. Don't leave me, damn you! I don't know what this is that I've felt with you, but it's addictive, and I want to understand more of it.  
  
*Love, don't leave me,  
Cause I fell my self-esteem is caving in,   
It's on the brink*  
  
Come back to me Quatre, you don't know what I've been going through. I sit here, day by day, looking through a window that I never see through. I think of you, of how we knew exactly who we were fighting that day with the mobile dolls. How was that possible? I don't believe in coincidence, that was something much deeper. Do you have a power that enables you to understand me? Or maybe my soul reached out for yours. If so, why would you answer? You have no reason to feel anything but animosity towards me; why would you return my soul's cry?  
  
*Love, come quickly,  
Cause I don't think I can keep this monster in,  
It's in my skin.*  
  
This feeling is addictive. Whenever I think of you, my heart starts to pound and my head seems to fall into a cloud of bliss. What is this? Is this what you told me about; is this love? No, I cannot love. I am too primal for love. I am a huntress; I have no time for love. I can't. Right?  
  
*Love and other socially   
Acceptable emotions are morphine,  
They're morphine.  
Cleverly concealing primal  
Urges often felt but rarely seen,  
Rarely seen.*  
  
If I asked, would you show me this love that you speak of? What does it feel like? What does it look like? Shouldn't I know these things by now? Am I that scarred from my past that I have no flesh left to bear the violence of the present, or for that matter, the future?  
  
*Love, I beg you  
Lift me up into that privileged point of view,  
The world of two.*  
  
I saw you yesterday. You don't know that, of course. You never know, I make sure of that. I was looking at you through the window of a card store. You were searching for what seemed like a congratulations card. Was it for Heero and Relena's wedding this month? Are you surprised that I know about that? Relena sent me an invitation herself, actually. After all that happened during the war, she still personally invited me to her wedding. And you were there, and the sun was shining on you, making your hair glisten, and even from my distance, I could tell that your eyes were moist with unshed tears for the card. You left then, and I hurried into the store to see what had touched you so deeply. The card was about how love, once found, was never lost again, quite appropriate for Heero and Relena. Even more appropriate for you and me.  
  
*Love, don't leave me  
Cause I console myself that Hallmark Cards are true  
I really do*  
  
No! Love has done nothing but hurt me in my lifetime. I will not admit that I love you, Quatre. I will not acknowledge it, and it will soon dissipate, like all the other times. I learned to forget about love, and to control my emotions. This time will be no different; I will soon forget about you. I will not give in to love; it has given me nothing but pain.  
  
*I'm gunning down romance.  
It never did a thing for me  
But heartache and misery,  
Ain't nothing but a tragedy.*  
  
All I ask of you, Quatre, is don't leave me. I don't think I could take that. There are rumors that you want to return to Arabia. I don't think I could survive that. While you have been here, on L4, I have been able to steal glimpses of you, at the card store or the park or the artificial beaches. If you were to return to Earth, I would not be able to follow you; I have no more money. I donated my grandfather's estate to an orphanage that was destroyed by one of my mobile dolls. I couldn't bear the reminder of my childhood, it was painful enough living it once.  
  
*Love, don't leave me.*  
  
You know what? I don't care anymore. Go to Arabia. I will survive on my own, without a constant reminder of you. I will make a new life for myself, one that I can actually sleep at night knowing about. I will find my own way, I will learn to fly.  
  
*Take theses broken wings,   
I'm gonna take these broken wings,  
And learn to fly,  
And learn to fly away  
And learn to fly away.*  
  
I have had it with love. I will have no part in it.  
  
*I'm gunning down romance.*   
~Owari~  
  



End file.
